tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-5980661477245033955.post3684891646358750026..comments2023-11-01T11:17:40.377-04:00Comments on True Stories, Honest Lies: Cognitive dissonance; healing and betrayalLaurahttp://www.blogger.com/profile/06434407684834155358noreply@blogger.comBlogger7125tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-5980661477245033955.post-41655232386451111022014-07-18T13:06:58.956-04:002014-07-18T13:06:58.956-04:00True! When sometimes feeling better, sudden guilt ...True! When sometimes feeling better, sudden guilt of betrayal immediately kicks in. Do I enjoy my agonizing grief? Why my inner me does not allow me to feel better? Grieve! Grieve you must! Ohterwise your true feelings are questioned...Amanitahttp://www.grievebymeme.comnoreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-5980661477245033955.post-67192938313086508952014-07-12T19:16:00.378-04:002014-07-12T19:16:00.378-04:00Shel, thank you for this wonderful, thoughtful rep...Shel, thank you for this wonderful, thoughtful reply. I LOVE your friend G's description of grief. We are phoenixes, aren't we. Just right now we're still charred. <br />I'm doing much of the same stuff you are. I want to learn how to live in this place, this world where I am in love with a dead man, where I am in relationship with someone who isn't embodied. I love the idea of Synthesis. I'll look for "Transcending loss."<br />Please write to me privately if you like. And if not that's okay too.Laurahttps://www.blogger.com/profile/06434407684834155358noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-5980661477245033955.post-79821635122943982652014-07-12T09:14:05.031-04:002014-07-12T09:14:05.031-04:00I lost my beloved husband one day before you lost ...I lost my beloved husband one day before you lost yours. I've had some genuine respite these past 2 weeks. Good friends, good talk, good time in nature. I see this as a time of learning to live moment to moment & know it's all temporary. "This too shall pass" is a good mantra for me right now. It's what I need to remember when the grief comes pouring in & eclipses everything else. It's fascinating to see how it ebbs & flows.<br /><br />I've been experiencing some healing with friends. I think it gives me hope & helps me to feel 'normal' for whole minutes at a time.<br /><br />My new widow friend - G - reminded me of something I already knew. I tend to forget that grief is a process of being torn apart and then<br />gradually reassembled to the point of Phoenix rising in whatever form it's going to take. I guess thinking of it like that helps me to trust the<br />process even when I hate it. All we widowed people can do is stuff our pockets with Kleenex & carry on. Well actually<br />we can do more and I think that I am doing all I can to deal with my situation. I'm going to 2 grief groups, I am reading about grief and talking<br />about it and writing about it. Fortunately I have supportive friends who listen and love me. I am walking and swimming and<br />doing my yoga stretches every day. I am getting regular massages. I'm helping my sis-in-law with her 7 year old grand daughter. I am<br />meditating, crying, doing deep breathing and reaching out to other widows in my grief groups. I am<br />connecting with people like you- people who've lost beloved partners who really<br />understand. Most of the rest of the people have no clue. I see others in my grief groups<br />who are stuck in anger and who are a year ahead of me in their losses but still stuck and wallowing in misery. That's part of the good that comes from<br />going to groups- you see the whole spectrum. And you see that there are others who are much worse off than you are.<br /><br />A wonderful book I read is called "Transcending Loss" By Ashley Davis Bush.<br /><br />Here is an excerpt::<br /><br />"You cannot and should not sever the ties. Your loved one is in your heart, in your soul, and wrapped intrinsically into who and what you are. You will spend the rest of your life remembering, internalizing, and renegotiating all that this loss means to you in this lifetime. Just because the person is dead, it doesn’t mean that your feelings for the relationship dies. This lifelong stage of integration and reworking is called Synthesis."<br />shellhttps://www.blogger.com/profile/11231859755559008915noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-5980661477245033955.post-61698613996368255962014-07-11T18:16:33.795-04:002014-07-11T18:16:33.795-04:00Barb, I REALLY like that distinction. both/and. Ye...Barb, I REALLY like that distinction. both/and. Yes. With your permission, at some point I may blog about that.Laurahttps://www.blogger.com/profile/06434407684834155358noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-5980661477245033955.post-73637574120867452402014-07-11T17:22:30.123-04:002014-07-11T17:22:30.123-04:00This reality is called 'both/and'. It is ...This reality is called 'both/and'. It is a very different reality than 'either/or'. Definitely more complex.....Barbara Schutzgruberhttps://www.blogger.com/profile/14846839073551831102noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-5980661477245033955.post-79241705818748206622014-07-11T14:29:50.263-04:002014-07-11T14:29:50.263-04:00Oh, thank you. I'm so sorry you have traveled ...Oh, thank you. I'm so sorry you have traveled this road, but your compassion, support and kindness have meant so much to me. Thank you.Laurahttps://www.blogger.com/profile/06434407684834155358noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-5980661477245033955.post-57959246660689299442014-07-11T14:08:00.765-04:002014-07-11T14:08:00.765-04:00I so understand what you're experiencing.I had...I so understand what you're experiencing.I had the same struggles as I began to heal. <br /> Yes, you will scar over, be someone new and the same. And, for me, that was good and it was sad. I missed the me I was. Sometimes still do. But I've grown to love me as I am now, in some ways a better me, in other ways maybe not so much. <br /><br />Sending much love your way. Kimberley McGillhttp://feralcompassliving.comnoreply@blogger.com