Tuesday, March 31, 2009

Psychic Hairdresser, part 1 (fiction)

I have a big date tonight and want to look hot. He's, like, rich and cute. Do your thing.
Listen baby, I know you think this is the start of something special but he's not who you think he is. He'll make you pay for the drinks, will glare when you order the filet and when he kisses you it will bear an uncanny resemblance to kissing a fish. Trust me, I know. Let me give you a trim instead. Stand him up and take the extra money to go out with the girls. You'll never regret it and you just might meet someone better.

Do blondes have more fun?
Depends on the blonde. In your case, no.

Make me look like her. I loved her latest movie and I just know I could carry off that hair. Besides, my boyfriend thinks she's cute.
Gladly. This haircut will make you feel good like a woman should. I know it will. In fact, the next time your "boyfriend" goes out drinking, you'll throw all his crap out the window and have the locks changed by the time he gets back. The breakup will be fast and loud. It'll be worth the expense and embarrassment. You won't see him for a few years, then you'll bump into him at a gallery opening, where he never would go with you now. Your hair, by the way, will be gorgeous, you'll have dyed it that deep red you've always admired. The meet will be cute and you'll enjoy introducing him to your husband who adores you the way he never did.

I don't want much done today, just a wash and trim.
Oh, honey, trust me, today is the day to do it all. Go for the dye job. I know you've been avoiding it, but you know what they say, make the curtains match the drapes and you never know what's going to happen. You are wearing clean underwear, just in case, right? Do you really want me to tell you the rest of it?

I heard you can do amazing things. Make me into who I always wanted to be.
I can do almost anything I set my mind to, but I can't do that. No, really, I can't do anything with that hair. If I did it would be a disaster, I can see it now. Ask at the next chair.

Send your questions to the Psychic Hairdresser by emailing or posting comments below! Free answers with a wash and style! The Psychic Hairdresser knows all!

(c) 2009 Laura S. Packer Creative Commons License


  1. Just went to your site after a long hiatus on my part, so I had not seen all the March posts. Thanks for coming back. And yes, the hairdresser is so real, and funny in so poignant a way.

  2. I've always done my own hair but I want to sit in that chair!


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