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This is so weird. I'm writing this to you in my office, the one filled with all of the things you know but in Minnesota, a state I don't think you ever visited. I've lived here for over two years now, with a man you never met and one who is, on the surface, unlike you. In fundamentals though you are much alike -- perhaps this speaks to me more than to the both of you, but it is true. Like you, he is smart and funny, kind and passionate. He has three kids though the ratio differs. He loves me with all of his heart, just like you. Today I am marrying him.
It feels so very odd. I was supposed to be married to you for the rest of my life. I was supposed to be your wife only. I was supposed to be so many things and yet. Here I am.
Kevin, I swore to love you as long as we both shall live and that is still true. I will never stop loving you. I have learned that the heart is capable of amazing depths of love. I love Charley wholly and so too, I love you. I am profoundly lucky, some would say blessed, to be loved by two such men.
Marrying Charley in no way diminishes how much I love you and miss you, not does it change the truth of the love you felt/feel for me. Your love nurtured and sustained me for many years. I know it always will. Nor does loving and missing you diminish the love I feel for Charley and what he feels for me.
Thank you Kevin, for loving me so well; for helping me learn to love bigger and truer; and for, in the end, telling me you wanted me to be happy, to learn to love again, that it would be okay. Thank you for knowing love endures.
I know you'll be there with us today. While sometimes my heart gets twisted up in all of this, I know you will be there beaming, knowing I remain yours just as I am Charley's. Thank you for the gift of myself.
I love you.
Laura
P.S. After writing this, I ran it by Charley as I always do when I write about him. I couldn't get through it without sobbing. He held me while I cried and assured me that he was okay with all of this. I am so lucky in so many ways. Thank you.
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Not only is this so beautiful and open - sharing your tears and truth with us.... but it occurs to me what a GIFT it is when someone is "out" about the many layers of feelings when joy and grief are mixed together in a powerful "cocktail." I remember my mother's 2nd wedding and at 17 I was very happy for her. NOT everyone was. She did the JOY part well, but her unexperienced grief is something I still wish for her. I really appreciate your sharing what that might have looked like. xoxoxoxo Happy Ever After Laura.
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