50 for 50, day 26: 58 and counting

I had such plans for today's blog post. Then I got online and saw the news. Las Vegas. And my first thought was thank god it's a white guy. How horrible is that. My first reaction to a mass murder is not horror that it happened, but weariness that it happened again and relief that it won't fuel too many other raging fires.

There is so much to say here, so much has been said. I said it after Newtown and again and again and again. I don't know what else to say. Here, at almost 50, I am speechless. Tomorrow I'll have words but for right now I am nauseous with the familiarity of the feeling. Oh, another one. Oh look, they're calling him a lone wolf. Oh, and let's not forget Puerto Rico and and and...

For right now hold those you love close. Hold your neighbors, your communities, your children, your friends, and more.

I will not be silenced or shouted down. For this moment though, just writing will have to be enough. Today is not about me. It is about them, the lives that were lost so carelessly.

This list speaks for itself.

Oct. 1, 2017. Las Vegas
July 7, 2016. Dallas
June 12, 2016. Orlando
Dec. 2, 2015. San Bernardino
Nov. 27, 2015. Colorado Springs
Oct. 1, 2015. Roseburg
July 16, 2015. Chattanooga
June 17, 2015. Charleston
Oct. 24, 2014. Marysville
May 23, 2014. Isla Vista
April 2, 2014. Killeen
Sept. 16, 2013. Washington, D.C.
June 7, 2013. Santa Monica
Dec. 14, 2012. Newtown
Oct. 21, 2012. Brookfield
Sept. 27, 2012. Minneapolis
Aug. 5, 2012. Oak Creek
July 20, 2012. Aurora
April 2, 2012. Oakland
Oct. 12, 2011. Seal Beach
Jan. 8, 2011. Tucson
Aug. 3, 2010. Manchester
Feb. 12, 2010. Huntsville
Nov. 5, 2009. Killeen
April 3, 2009. Binghamton
Feb. 14, 2008. DeKalb
Dec. 5, 2007. Omaha
April 16, 2007. Blacksburg

This is what 50 looks like. Heartbroken. And fighting still.
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