Sunday, October 1, 2017

50 for 50, day 25: A break for some terrible jokes

If you've spent any time with me in real life, you know I have a fondness for puns and goofy jokes. I'm half-way to 50 posts so I'm going to take a little humor break. I hope you enjoy these. Or at least forgive me for them. I'd love to know which (if any) made yo smile!

  1. Did you hear about the restaurant on the moon? Great food, no atmosphere. 
  2. What do you call a fake noodle? An Impasta. 
  3. How many apples grow on a tree? All of them. 
  4. Want to hear a joke about paper? Nevermind it's tearable. 
  5. I just watched a program about beavers. It was the best dam program I've ever seen. 
  6. Why did the coffee file a police report? It got mugged. 
  7. How does a penguin build its house? Igloos it together. 
  8. Dad, did you get a haircut? No I got them all cut. 
  9. Dad, can you put my shoes on? No, I don't think they'll fit me. 
  10. Why did the scarecrow win an award? Because he was outstanding in his field. 
  11. Why don't skeletons ever go trick or treating? Because they have no body to go with. 
  12. What do you call an elephant that doesn't matter? An irrelephant. 
  13. Want to hear a joke about construction? I'm still working on it. 
  14. What do you call cheese that isn't yours? Nacho Cheese. 
  15. Why couldn't the bicycle stand up by itself? It was two tired. 
  16. What did the grape do when he got stepped on? He let out a little wine. 
  17. I wouldn't buy anything with velcro. It's a total rip-off. 
  18.  The shovel was a ground-breaking invention. 
  19. Can you put the cat out? I didn't know it was on fire. 
  20. This graveyard looks overcrowded. People must be dying to get in there. 
  21. Two goldfish are in a tank. One says to the other, "Do you know how to drive this thing?" 
  22. What do you call a man with a rubber toe? Roberto. 
  23. What do you call a fat psychic? A four-chin teller. 
  24. I would avoid the sushi if I was you. It’s a little fishy. 
  25. To the man in the wheelchair that stole my camouflage jacket... You can hide but you can't run. 
  26. The rotation of earth really makes my day. I thought about going on an all-almond diet. But that's just nuts 
  27. What's brown and sticky? A stick. 
  28. I’ve never gone to a gun range before. I decided to give it a shot! 
  29. Why do you never see elephants hiding in trees? Because they're so good at it. 
  30. Did you hear about the kidnapping at school? It's fine, he woke up. 
  31. A furniture store keeps calling me. All I wanted was one night stand. 
  32. I used to work in a shoe recycling shop. It was sole destroying. 
  33. Did I tell you the time I fell in love during a backflip? I was heels over head. 
  34. People don’t like having to bend over to get their drinks. We really need to raise the bar.
  35. Today at the bank, an old lady asked me to help check her balance. So I pushed her over. 
  36. I bought some shoes from a drug dealer. I don't know what he laced them with, but I've been tripping all day. 
  37. My dog used to chase people on a bike a lot. It got so bad, finally I had to take his bike away. 
  38. I'm so good at sleeping. I can do it with my eyes closed. 
  39. Why is Peter Pan always flying? He neverlands. 
  40. A woman walks into a library and asked if they had any books about paranoia. The librarian says "They're right behind you!" 
  41. When you look really closely, all mirrors look like eyeballs. 
  42. My friend says to me: "What rhymes with orange" I said: "No it doesn't" 
  43. What did the pirate say when he turned 80 years old? Aye matey. 
  44. My wife told me I had to stop acting like a flamingo. So I had to put my foot down. 
  45. I couldn't figure out why the baseball kept getting larger. Then it hit me. 
  46. Why did the old man fall in the well? Because he couldn't see that well. 
  47. I ate a clock yesterday, it was very time consuming. 
  48. Whatdya call a frenchman wearing sandals? Phillipe Phillope.
  49. And the lord said unto John, "Come forth and you will receive eternal life." John came fifth and won a toaster. 
  50. What did the traffic light say to the car? Don’t look! I’m about to change. 
(c)2017 Laura S. Packer
Creative Commons License

1 comment:

  1. Oy, the Roberto one made me chortle. Several of them did, actually. I love this stuff!


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