Whew! I made it!

My goodness, September has been an adventure; I managed to keep my commitment to blog daily throughout this month. It's been a roller coaster; some days I was eager to write, others I thought this was the dumbest idea I've ever had. I managed to do this with only a few temper tantrums and generally without spilling too much paint. Or verbage. I think.

Things I've enjoyed about blogging daily:

• The process. Thinking about writing feels great. And moving through world thinking, "I could blog that!" is pretty cool
• I've gotten to meet people I never would have otherwise
• My writing habit feels much more ingrained, which was the whole point of this exercise
• I had to stretch to find something to say some days. This is good, it made me think and explore
• It's forced me to look at the world with new eyes, finding new things to say, hoping I'm not repeating myself too much
• It's also helped me think more clearly about different kinds of creativity. I've always written, but I need to remember to feed myself creatively in many ways; writing about it has helped me remember how important it is.
• It's helped me clarify some of the things I care enough about to want to write about, rather than just rambling for the heck of it.

Things I've not enjoyed about blogging daily:

• My god, I am just not that interesting. Since the start of third week I've been struggling to find things to say, I've not wanted to talk about myself or navel gaze anymore.

I'd be really interested in any thoughts you'd like to share about this past month. Please post them in the comments so I can share them with everyone.

Blogging is a communal experience. I find this kind of writing compelling because it's as close to storytelling, or audience-based writing, as I have yet come. It helps me write more and write better if I know the audience is more immediate than, say, when I'm working on a piece that may only merit a rejection letter or, worse, writing in my journal.

I'm no longer going to post daily (as I said, I'm tired of listening to myself) but I am going to try to post at least once a week on cookpot stories and three time a week here. I'm considering this structure, though it's open to debate:

• Wednesday: Storying the world. Observations on living the life of a storyteller, how stories shape us, meaningful stories, etc.
• Friday: A ramble, observations, thoughts about something I care about, etc.
• Monday: Living the big life. Creativity challenges, guerilla kindness, etc.

What do you think? I'd be really interested in your thoughts.

I hope you have found something of value in this month of posts. I hope you look at the world a little differently now, take more joy in the overheard, stretch yourselves creatively just a little bit more. Thank you for listening to me and participating in this experiment. I hope you keep creating and living with joy. And yes, the little girl in the picture is me. I never was good at painting within the lines.

(c) 2009 Laura S. Packer

Repentance and joy

Yesterday was Yom Kippur, the Jewish Day of Atonement. While I am not a deeply observant Jew, I do pay attention to the big holidays; I'm maybe one step up from a Christmas and Easter Christian, if that makes any sense at all.

I spent 4 hours in Temple yesterday, praying in community for forgiveness for our sins over the past year. Part of what moves me about this service is that we do it all together; no one person has to claim responsibility for their own sins, we all claim responsibility for everyone's sins. Sure, each individual knows what they did, but since we're all doing it together it becomes much easier to name the unfortunate acts and move on from there. By the end of the day the slate is clean; we have a chance to try again and try better in the coming year.

We are asked to try to forgive others for those acts they may have committed against us. The things that have hurt us. Coming into Yom Kippur this year I found that I was carrying around a couple of hurts that I really needed to work to let go of. It was hard. Ultimately, I found I needed to forgive myself for clinging onto these wrongs before I could let go of the wrong itself; once that was done it became much easier to move on.

We all do this, of course. We all hold onto little grudges that become giant boulders on our backs. It's not worth it. I don't need to love the people who have hurt me, I only need to not hold onto the hurt they inflicted and allow them to move through the world as I move through the world, doing the best I can. As I will.

At the end of Yom Kippur, a fast day, I broke my fast with friends and family. I wrote about it here. I believe everything tasted so much better, the figs were sweeter and the wine richer, not because I was hungry, but because I'd let go of some of my bitterness. It seems a shame that this is something I practice only once a year, maybe this will be the year that I remember to try more often. Because really, life is much richer if I only carry my own baggage around, I don't need anyone else's. I'll send it all off to lost luggage and instead learn how to dance.

(c) 2009 Laura S. Packer

Monday beauty

A few minutes of beauty for Monday. If you enjoy this check out Blu's site.

Sunday links

A quick list of yummy links for you:

Chowhound, people as passionate about food as you are ever likely to meet.
Amuse Bouche, a delightful cooking blog.
Practically Edible, a food encyclopedia.
101 Cookbooks, anther food and life blog, mostly veg.
Food Porn Daily, exactly what it says.
Food origami. Play with your food.

Have fun!

Saturday bravery

On Saturdays I'm posting original work. My original work. This is sometimes really hard; I know I can write a decent essay, but some of the other stuff? whew, that's scary. That being said, I believe life is best lived facing the demons, doing the scary things from time to time.

Leda, grown old, to Helen
(c) 2009 Laura S. Packer

Oh, my daughter

How could I have known your birth would be our greatest curse?
As if it were not enough that you were conceived
in a rush of wings and an unwelcome mating:

When I found myself imprisoned in feathers I could only think
"But this is the stuff of story. Why else would this swan betroth itself to me?"
I should have known your fury while in my womb.

There was never a more perfect baby
even covered in blood
your radiance filled the room

And as you grew I should have known that my Helen
conceived out of story
could be nothing less than story herself.

Your beauty eclipsed mine from your first touch at my breast.
I did not begrudge it to you-
beauty can be such a burden.

But now I wonder, if I had known of all the blood
and death
that would fall from your name,

If I had known your father's intent in your conception
(how we mortals make the gods laugh)

If I had known the cost of your beauty,

would I have left you on the rocks or
broken your tender skull
as soon as you crawled from my body?

What is the price of beauty?

Oh, my daughter
if I could undo what has been done,
take back the blood of your birth

I would do so

and let the poets tell different stories.

(c) 2009 Laura S. Packer

The walls have ears

A selection of the observed and overheard.

1. "We're all interchangeable pawns." Overheard in the corridors of a tech company.
2. Bartender 1: That's white of him.
   Bartender 2: What did you day?
   Bartender 1: I said, that's white of him.
   Bartender 1, laughing: You gotta love the South.
   Over heard in a bar in North Carolina. I was initially stunned then cringed at the stereotype.
   
3. Overheard, while walking across street, "No death for us!" My first thought: ever? How boring!
4. Earlier this week I had the pleasure of spreading a conversational meme. I was talking with an acquaintance about the relative merits of twitter and facebook. Within a few minutes I heard one conversation near me about facebook, then another about twitter. I guess I'm not the only one who eavesdrops...

Hear anything good this week?

(c) 2009 Laura S. Packer

Two last September tips for creative living

As you know by now, Thursdays I've been exploring creativity. Blogging daily throughout September has been an extended creativity exercise for me and I hope the suggestions I've offered throughout the month have been helpful. Next Thursday is the last day of the month and I'd like to devote that post to thinking about this month-long blogging experiment, so I wanted to offer you two tips today.

* * *

Take your time. Don't forget you have senses other than sight. Close your eyes. What does this moment smell like? How does it feel in your hand or belly? What are the sounds around you? And if right now were scent, what would it be?

When we use the full range of our senses the world becomes that much bigger and we become more connected with the world. In turn, as the world becomes broader and our connections deepen, we can breath in more of it and recreate it in whatever our own medium may be.

* * *

And don't go it alone. Find someone who will listen to you without interrupting and tell them your story, tell them why the painting, the dance, the work matters. Tell it to them and let them just drink in your light. All they have to do is give you the chance to listen to yourself; they don't need to criticize or ask questions, their whole job is to give you the chance to see the art inside of yourself. We so rarely have the chance to just hear our own brilliance, give yourself that gift from time to time and you'll be amazed at how your creativity blossoms.

I'd love to know how your journeys go. I expect I'll continue blogging about creativity and artistic process, it's something I find endlessly fascinating. Send me your tips and thoughts to share. We're all in this together, after all. It is by supporting each other that we become better artists, change agents, dreamers, builders.

(c) 2009 Laura S. Packer

A story

The Strawberry
A Zen Tale from Japan

There was once a man who was being chased by a ferocious tiger across a field. At the edge of the field there was a cliff. In order to escape the jaws of the tiger, the man caught hold of a vine and swung himself over the edge of the cliff. Dangling down, he saw, to his dismay, there were more tigers on the ground below him! And, furthermore, two little mice were gnawing on the vine to which he clung. He knew that at any moment he would fall to certain death. That's when he noticed a wild strawberry growing on the cliff wall. Clutching the vine with one hand, he plucked the strawberry with the other and put it in his mouth.

He closed his eyes as the sweetness filled his mouth. "Ah, delicious."

* * *

I love this story. Take from it what you will.

What is delicious in your life, in this moment?

(c) 2009 Laura S. Packer

Hanging between worlds

Today is the Autumnal Equinox, the moment when time and light stand in balance. Last night was as long as today and, for those of us in the Northern hemisphere, it marks a shift from extended light and the hope of more warmth to creeping dusk, to the time when trees whisper of digging their roots in deep for the winter, to the worried glances of squirrels as they forage for one more acorn.

I love these shifting kinds of days. They give me pause to consider the passage of time both personal and global, and my own smallness against the monumental cycles of the planet.

Taken further, in general I love the places and times that are between worlds. Twilight, doorways, the micro-environments that spring up in the cradle of an exit ramp. I love not knowing what's around the corner; in all likelihood it's the familiar, but the possibility of the other is alway there.

The places and times that are between worlds suggest such possibility. In this moment, on this day, we are reminded that we are part of a cycle so much larger than ourselves. We are reminded that we don't know what happens next, that there is a universe of possibility in front of us, in the next moment. We are reminded that we have such opportunity to decide if the dark is ally or foe, if the doorway is an exit or entrance, if the thicket of trees holds wolves or wise old women. We decide if the stranger offers us gifts or thievery.

The Equinox gives us the chance to remember that we are here, in this moment, between light and dark, that this life is but one moment in the life of the world, and isn't that glorious? The world has existed forever behind us and will go on long after we do, so we may as well live our brief time as best we can, in the best balance that we can.

Today, on the Equinox, I will take a moment to think about the balance of my life, the choices I have made that have led me to this moment, and I will imagine my foot on the path forward, walking in balance between light and dark, between this world and the next. I'll see you along the way.

(c) 2009 Laura S. Packer

Monday delight

This is wonderful! Made me laugh out loud and spill my water...