Musing 10 July or belonging

I've had some storytelling gigs in unusual places. I once told stories in a plane thousands of feet in the air from the flight attendants' P.A. on a packed, late flight. Another time I told at a nudist camp. Soon I'll be telling to a bunch of Winnebago enthusiasts. 

Yesterday was one of my favorite unusual places to tell, because I was also telling stories to my past (and maybe my future) self.

I went to my first science fiction convention when I was maybe 13 or 14. I'd been reading speculative fiction since I could read, watching Dr. Who (old school) and Star Trek (also old school) since I was ten, so it seemed like a natural things to do. I don't remember much about that first con, but I do remember finding belonging I hadn't known I missed. 

At that time, geek culture was for outsiders. It wasn't trendy or popular like now, but a bunch of bright people building a community for themselves. There I was, a bright young teen, who could talk with adults without anyone talking down to her. It was magic.

I kept going to cons through my teens and twenties. I was in my early twenties when I found the storytelling community, so gradually my attendance at cons and the like faded. I pretty much stopped going by my mid thirties. 

Yesterday, I told Becoming Baba Yaga at CONvergence, the big Minnesota sci-fi etc con. It was so much fun! Yes, geek culture is now everywhere, and quite popular, but I still felt that sense of belonging because so many different kinds of geekery were accepted. Here were smart, creative people, celebrating what they loved without any need for self-consciousness. In one corner was a woman in a TARDIS dress (she was especially excited that it had pockets), in another was a man with a long grey beard expounding on culture and scientific accuracy from a t.v. series I've never seen, and right here was a middle-aged storyteller, talking about becoming a magical, dangerous crone. 

I miss having close community. I haven't felt deeply involved in a  community since I left Boston, but I felt it again in those hallways. I don't read much speculative fiction anymore, but I could feel the same feelings I did as a child. It didn't matter how weird any of us might feel outside, here we could share my geekiness without worry.

Belonging is so important. Humans are social creatures and almost all need some kind of belonging. It was wonderful watching people belong. Kids playing games with adults. People cheering a group of taiko drummers dressed in some kind of anime costumes. So many different kinds of belonging and celebration.

Will I go back? I think so. I doubt if I'll dress up the way I did when I was younger, but I'll still have fun. Will I belong? I don't know. I struggle to feel like I belong, but for just a little bit, here and there at cons and storytelling events and elsewhere, I don't doubt my shared humanity and belonging. So yeah, I expect I will go back and celebrate everything.

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